Long Distance Love – my personal do’s and don’ts

I want to apologize for not writing in almost a month, it’s been a crazy crazy hectic month for me and honestly I have found it hard to put into words everything that I am feeling and going through in this major transition of my life (Active Duty Air Force to Civilian life, getting engaged, moving to Ohio, to not getting the job I wanted in Korea, to couch surfing in NJ…whew).   On Nov 1st, my Fiance hopped on a plane to start his one year tour in South Korea.   After I saw him off, with tears in my eyes,  I took a 10 hour road trip back to the east coast.   My previous posts have been more of a fitness blog, but as you can see there is more to this blog than just Fitness (travel and love fall into the title as well).  In my own personal opinion having a healthy life isn’t just about eating right or working out, it’s about everything and everyone that plays a part in your life.

Jer and I have been long distance since the day we met in the middle of the Sarawak Forest, Borneo, Malaysia in August 2010  (that story is for another day).  We e-mailed but never talked for 6 months, until he met me in New Orleans in Feb 2011.  After both of us had to clear the air of other relationships we were sorta of wrapped up in, we met in Vegas in April 2011.  This is where is began; over a year of traveling to destinations each month to see each other; Nashville, Memphis, Mississippi, Alabama, Washington DC, Kentucky, New Jersey, New Orleans, Costa Rica, Savannah, Texas….a whirlwind of weekend getaways.  Finally I made it to Ohio and we felt like we could finally settle down and enjoy our time together, in one place.  When we got news he would go to Korea for a year for the Air Force I tried my best to get there to teach but timing was not on my side and the job kept getting pushed back further and further until it was pointless to go there 6 months after him and have to stay 6 months later to finish the contract.  We would still be separated for a year!   He has been gone for 3 weeks and with a 13 hour time difference, it’s the hardest long distance we have done.  Military Spouses everywhere understand this feeling, I know I am not alone, but what I’ve discovered is a lot of relationships are ruined due to long distance and divorce rate in the military is particularly high.   Why?  Because people don’t trust.   TV shows and movies revolve around adultery and backstabbing and lying. But here aresome things I have learned over the past couple years on how we keep our relationship strong through the distance…

DO:

1.  Call or Message each other every morning/night to say good morning/good night.   It’s a nice, quick, easy gesture to let the other person know you are thinking of them and they are the first thing on their mind when they wake up and the last thing on their mind when they go to bed.

2. Send Cards.  Pick out a cute card (or make your own), put some nice thoughts on it and actually put it in an envelope, with a stamp, and send it.  With the internet (social networking, e-mail, e-cards) we have forgotten sometimes how nice it is to not just get a bill in the mail, but to actually get something in hand, worth reading.

3.  Send Packages.  Same deal. Korea has pretty much everything my Fiance may want as far as goods, but I like to package up some of his favorites from here in the states and send it to him, just to let him know I haven’t forgotten and then to give him a little piece of home.

4.  Send Naughty Pictures.  (sorry Mom) Let them know you are thinking of them in more than just words.  We are sexual human beings and it’s important to keep the spark alive.  Get naked, stand in front of the mirror,  or put the timer on…whatever you have to do, just do it!   It’s quick and easy and your partner will LOVE it.

5.  Set up a date night.  At least every two weeks set aside a night where you shut the rest of the world out and cook dinner or take a bubble bath via Skype/FaceTime.  Open up a bottle of wine and just talk the night away as if you were on a romantic date.

DON’T

1. Snoop.  This goes along with Trust.  If you know their password to everything, it doesn’t mean you need to go through their stuff.  If you really think they are hiding something, just ask them.

2. Leave someone hanging and waiting.  If you know you aren’t going to be able to call, let that person know, don’t just forget.  They are waiting for you, or expecting something from you and when you forget, it starts to break that trust and bond.

3.  Blackout Drink.  I’m a party girl myself, but it only leads to disaster when: a) you forget to call because you’re too drunk to remember and b) you don’t remember what may or may not have happened the evening before.

4.  Just say “out with some people”.  Who?  It’s suspicious when you can’t name or don’t want to say everyone you are out with.  If you are out with the opposite sex just be honest and that person you are with will understand and be accepting.

5.  Be Jealous and Controlling…it will only push them away and forces them to feel like they can’t tell you something because they think you will get upset or mad about it, when it isn’t a big deal.

Sometimes it can be a long road to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are in a long distance relationship.  It’s a two-way street and “nothing worth having comes easy”.

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